Feeling a little lost inside myself...not sure if I am really here. Do I dare speak the things I hide? Do I repeat them to God, who already knows and allows me to suffer along anyway? He waits, I know, for us to help ourselves, but I am fallen and have cut my wings in half. God, are you listening? Does one small soul matter all that much? I doubt, and yet I fear to doubt for fear of being wrong.
I should be happy. I am in school. I have my granddaughter. Silver razor slices form scars I will no longer be able to hide. I tremble, but I never cry. Should I? Who would hear?
Give myself over to God, I have been told. I did. I met Mike....devil with an angel's face...no going back. Test? Some test! I am supposed to trust a being who would allow that into my life?
Write, freewrite....write free....fly...birds...on a bird's wing....Jonathon Livingston Seagull.....good book. I should read it again. Lisa Bright and Dark- story of my teenage life. Know it by heart.
I have a box with my life in it. My whole life in a box. Books, poems, writings, pictures, things my kids made. Find the positive....
Oh, life, thou art funny!!!
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