Go ask Alice....

She told herself it was only temporary. This sadness would go away. She was smarter now, and more educated about mental illness and medications and home remedies. She actually made good decisions, sometimes, which helped increase her confidence. And yet, it seemed so unreal to be feeling this way...this sure, and comforted, and hopeful. It was like dreaming, though of course no dream she had ever had- hers left her feeling scared and disoriented when she woke up. They haunted her throughout the day and made her feel the need to shower and try to erase it.

She had to wonder if this was actually really happening, or if she were stuck again in some otherworld that this time decided to torture her in a whole new way.

It happens like this.........everything seems bluer, greener, fresher, and you marvel at the design in everything, from hummingbirds to beautiful, old homes. Then you wake up one day, and something feels a little off, like a picture hanging slightly crooked. The spiral begins. Within four days, you will become a lesser version of yourself, ashamed, self-loathing, and cutting your body to punish the soul. And the cycle goes on, and on, and on........

So..........a friend did something important for me when I didn't have the money, because I promised I would have the money the next day. Except the person who promised the money to me, didn't give it to me. So now my friend has to pay someone else back because of me, and they think it's her fault. AAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!   How do I fix this???? I feel so terrible, like I betrayed my friend, when I would seriously give a kidney without anesthetics in order to make this right. How the hell did I let this happen??

I am finding someone who can specifically design a bra that fits ME. I am so tired of having to waste time trying them on, which is gross if you think about the other people who have done the same thing, only to find that ONE specific size does not fit me; it depends on maker and style, as well. I am 5 feet tall with a size 36 D or something for bra size. I am short, and little, and the biggest thing I own are my boobs, and every single freakin bra I buy eventually sags to my knees because my back is skinny and short and either the cups let my boobs fall all over the place, or I quickly lose the plump and perky look they have when I first buy a halfway decent bra. I mean, who designs these? Men? Because I would hope that a woman would better understand the complexities of boobage. And my back and shoulders hurt.......aaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!

So.....if anyone else has this problem, let me know, and let me know if you have any little secrets that might help. I will forever love you. Seriously.

All I want to do is post to my blog, and after miraculously remembering the password after a year, I have to deal with a new interface and linkage and some crap and I just woke up and I'm high as FUCK! lol.....I just want to type this out.....lol. So frustrating!

So.....I forgot what I was gonna blog about....lol. Anyway, I think it's time to change up my approach to writing. Hang on everybody....it's gonna be a fun ride!!